Category: Relationship


The Dark Disdains

love-sketch-wallpaper

When the animals are done

Scavenging, hunting, fighting and gathering,

The true colours begin to bleed

As it gets darker and darker.

When the man returns,

His wife blushes red,

In anticipation of what is

About to come,

When the food is served,

But the hunger demands something else,

The veils of hypocrisy give way,

Revealing the true skins,

When the two brewing souls

Embrace, Hold, Soothe and slumber,

Penetrate each other in melancholy,

Indifferences vanish.

When the city sleeps,

A poet awakes,

seduced by the bare innocence Of Nature,

A man finds his true self.

When the sun dies out,

The moon begins to fade,

Facades of righteousness begin to shatter

With the dark disdains all around.

I may be wrong.

I may be right.

Great many things happen every day

But better things happen only at night.

Why is Love hard to find?

This article is for those men (mostly) and women (only straight cases) who are yet to get laid because they are waiting for the partners of their dreams. To be honest, I am one of this kind and have done some scientific and social studies and have watched the social and personal emotional dynamics of my peers and people around. Thus it is only a speculative report with margin for errors that I don’t see yet.

To demonstrate my point, I am going to define and use 3 terms which are inseparable from this content.

  1. Lust: It is the feeling (or mental projection) of the active reproductive system of your body (including organs and hormones) that (in terms of Psychology) can be termed as the non intelligent (or blunt) desire to express your reproductive instincts.
  2. Love: When Lust is governed by your own intelligence, it is no longer separate from your other personal and social activities. Thus Love (in the context of Romance) is Lust governed by Intelligence. Thus Love no longer conforms to activities where you try to beat the competition to win as much mates as possible. Rather Love tends to make you seek commitment from yourself and your partner.
  3. Sex: It is the physical expression of your reproductive desires (Max being Love and Min being Lust). Consider Sex as consensual in this context minus the paid sex type.

Everyone (boy or girl) once after puberty experiences Lust. Then depending upon the intelligence (personal and educational) they try to understand, classify, restrict or express Lust. Statistically intelligence is not everyone’s cup of tea. Thus most people do not understand and hence cannot effectively control their Lust. Of course people who are blindly religious, have the subconscious advantage of being able to control this feeling without understanding it scientifically. But most of others go on seeking or exploiting opportunities where they can engage in the sexpression(sexual expression) of Lust. The more they engage, the more addicted they get to the natural reward of pleasure. And then they go on and on till they eventually understand the negative consequences any mindless activities. Such people will never understand the value of Love until they face the intense disappointment of Lust or someone else’s Love for them. Why?

Love works on a different dynamics than Lust. In Love, giving is receiving while Lust is blunt in narrow selfish desires. Love, even in selfish mode is much broader. When a person willing to give Love in order to receive Love, finds a potential mate who is drenched in Lust, the fear of being used by Lust comes out and tries to stop the potential relationship. In essence it is a deadly combination that can blow up anytime.

A person (say A) capable of Loving and falling in Love, is no doubt intelligent. An intelligent person respects his/her life in terms of care for existing relationships, ambitions, aspirations, commitment and most importantly Time . That’s why the desire to have sex takes a backseat if he / she has not yet found a mate of choice. However, being surrounded by Lust all around constantly tests his/her patience. If the person gives up and ends up having sex with someone who later turns out to be a pain in the back otherwise, it emotionally hurts pretty bad and the person distances himself or herself from sex even more. Now if this person A encounters another person B who is capable of Love the situation has a sad unfortunate downside.

Person B tries to seek the Love in person A but person A has already shielded his/her Love from being exposed. Thus person A is no more as open as he /she used to be. Thus person B, unless desperate to fall in Love with A, does not see this trauma in person A, and then moves on in a hope to find another person C (who is highly likely to have been traumatized too). If person B is desperate to fall in Love with A, confuses A. Because to A this desperation may seem as coming from Lust. Because A has gone through the trauma of being a victim of Lust, lacks the courage to experiment again and thus rejects B.

Statistically the ideal cases where two people fall in love with each other for the first time in their lives, are extremely rare and is becoming rarer as expression of Lust is getting easier with emerging technology. Even in the ideal cases, if one person dies, the other one is most likely seek the same intensity from the next relationship. That is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

The solution for people looking for Love is the courage to wait till Marriage before having sex. Which means avoiding casual sex. If you are looking for Love (even slightly), you are highly unlikely to be able to separate your expectations away from a casual sex partner. Sex, is not an experiment where there is a desire for Love. As a marriage can be either love or arranged, it is important to consider having an honest friendship (without benefits) till your potential sex partner becomes worth sharing your private parts with.