Category: Psychology

Me and My Monologues

Monologues of life.
I converse.
A scream of silence echoes in infinite corners.

What if, what if not?
Burglar questions rob my heart.
Whilst the world moves constantly,
me and my monologues sit in peace and converse quietly…

A rage inside, sometimes a storm behind,
a heartfelt emotion or endless passionate musings!
How would I, how should I not?
Random talks in between,
me and my monologues sit hand in hand under the dark.

A word of respite or phrases of delight,
a sulking feeling or share the ecstatic night.
Like the flowers dangling on a full moon night.
Me and my monologues sit and listen to each other,
as companions of life!


The Dream Mission to Deep Space

When I woke up from this dream, it seemed like just another interesting dream of mine, a fantasy maybe, that has too little or no significance to my past reality. However, the fact that I had to write this dream for someone who is interested to understand me, made me rethink this dream to recreate an accurate and vivid representation of it. And then it occurred to me, that just like every dream, this dream too has deep meaning to my mind and all the states it has gone through till date. That is a fact as has been claimed in his book, ‘The Interpretation of Dreams’ by my psychology professor Late. Dr. Sigmund Freud, ‘no dream is without significance to the life of the person who sees it.’.

In my school days, my intelligence was taken as a race horse by my own parents and teachers. It was being force fed with knowledge so that I could win races and earn accolades for my parents and school. Their approach had a devious tag ‘Result Oriented Approach’. And I was a novice to life. I could not protest that this approach takes away all the essence of a human life by artificially and mindlessly depriving a human life from its most fundamental right… Freedom. Thus I was too busy for my board exams when I was in 10th std. The very thing I was in love with, used to scare me…. Knowledge. Maybe ‘Love’ loses its meaning outside the context of ‘Freedom’.

Not in the dream though. In this dream I was still a Space enthusiast. I was in 10th std. I never studied or tried to establish myself through exams, certificates, ranks, scores, appreciations and attentions. My family and teachers were supportive. Thus I was happy being an average student on paper.

Something unexpected happened. Someone in NASA read my article about Supernovas and the amazing phenomena they contain, which I had published in my school magazine. Supernova is the effect given rise by a star’s death. Stars are nuclear fuelled objects. When they run out of the natural nuclear fuel, the star collapses under its own gravity which tends compress the star. In the absence of radiation force from nuclear reactions there is nothing that can oppose this compressive force. Thus the star dies with simultaneous spectacular explosions of millions of nuclear bombs, the bombs which would otherwise had been left unactuated. A galaxy is a collection of billions of stars, planets, moons, rocks, etc, naturally revolving around each other in complicated paths called orbits.

Somehow the article had made its way to a NASA scientist and then to a panel of scientists who were trying to figure out a phenomenon in a nearby supernova in a neighbouring galaxy. They were being puzzled by a sustained lightning being observed for longer that it should have lasted in the supernova. However no artificial device could capture the vital signals to be analysed about that. Thus they had to send some experts… A few chosen geniuses… In what seemed to be most likely a one way trip to the galaxy… In case something wrong happened, any help sent from the Earth would be too late.

And I was among the selected few. I was always interested in space missions and being a part of them. The fact that I may have to sacrifice my life for knowledge and science, did not scare me. Rather it made my life more meaningful. So I had signed the bond. Along with me, there was a Japanese skinny girl from school too. She never really spoke much. And we had a few elder scientists and engineers. We were taken to the launch pad via a chartered plane. The plane flew really fast. I was so much in haste that I had forgotten to take some essential things with me… Like my spectacle box. Ha Ha.

The astonishing fact of fantasy was that there was air rich in Oxygen on the planet we landed on. That planet was the closest to our targeted Supernova and was part of the same galaxy as that of the supernova. Moreover, the temperature and atmospheric pressure was very close to those at the tropical regions of Earth. In short, it was an Exo-planet… An extra solar planet… A naturally habitable planet like our Earth which exists outside of our solar system. I was in my shorts and tee-shirt. With all our equipment properly set and functioning, we all began to take readings and got too engrossed in analysing the data being received from the lightning like phenomenon from the supernova. But we still missed a missing piece. We were too far away to obtain that from the radiations we got from that distance. Someone had to go near the supernova… Near the point where lightning was happening. I did not want to lose that chance. So, without spending much time on arguments, I slipped out on a flying module… Alone with my instruments…

Never really thought if I would come back alive…

It was too beautiful to visit….

And I woke up with a smile.

Here is how that mysterious event looked like from the exoplanet we used as our mission base camp.


Although I can’t reproduce the exact thing I saw in my dream, this is pretty close. I had never seen this image before but it matches 70% to what I saw in the dream. Coincidence? Maybe.

The Central Philosophy


The significance of Ψ and ∞

To make it easy to follow what I mean, here are some artistically scientific visual descriptions of the symbols. Please note that the symbols are just that, symbols.



This (above) is what I mean by Ψ


This (above) is what I mean by


As far back as my mind can retrace its reverse chronological phases, I remember being restless in trying to resolve the paradox of my own existence. I have followed religions, philosophies, stories, myths, cults and cultures. Nowhere did I find any solace. On one hand I had to work for the sustenance of my own existence without even knowing what or why it is and on the other hand I had this depressing feeling of not knowing something that I am so keenly attached to. Thus I have spent, almost all of my life, so far, trying to understand who, what and why I am. I do not have all the answers. Yet, I have not been biased for any emotional gratification that ignores the scientific Truth. I have not taken the side I was born into, neither have I taken any other side.

Then I stumbled upon something impressive; Physics, which (as per its Greek origin) means: The Knowledge of Nature. I got used to Physics from a time very early in my school days. I used to be fascinated by the unfailing ways of predictions shown by it. I was getting increasingly amazed by Physics mainly because of its power of prediction, albeit, its domain was limited to Intelligence.

My problem was not my intelligence. It was my emotions. The most traumatic thing was, not even I was able to understand and predict my emotional response to my surroundings. I did ask my teachers, spiritual leaders and so called Gurus, even some professors I personally knew. I used to: read a lot, watch a lot and learn a lot. Everywhere I heard the echo of one sentiment:


I accepted that echo and went into depression because except Science, I could not trust anything else. Not even God; The God who I used to believe.

The Story:

NATURE vs nature:

As they say: “ Every cloud has a silver lining.”, at the peak of my depression, I found my missing piece. The Mind.

It is during my own study of Psychology, I realized what I was missing. I never considered the effect of Nature on my mind or the effect of my own mental fluctuations on the way I used to feel Nature.

Ever heard the statement or anything similar to: “Sometimes all you need to change is your very own perspective.”? I have encountered it very often and have now understood what it means.

I don’t think it is correct to say that Science cannot serve as a guide to moral or emotional standards. It can very well be that. We have simply not been able to apply Science to a domain beyond the present limitations of our collective intelligence (including AI). Rather, I say, Science is the best framework of all the structures of human knowledge for setting moral and emotional standards, even at the cost of gradual abolishment of the current ones that are non-scientific.

I believe, there is the inner nature, Ψ, that signifies one’s mind (origin of meta-physical experiences felt by the one), that is associated to the physical nature, ∞, which signifies everything else (including one’s own body). Science, thus far, has been studying the physical existence of Nature and it has been, at least in my opinion, making progress very much commendably.

What I am more interested in (apart from the path-breaking discoveries and research attempts in String Theory, Quantum Physics, Cosmology or any other area of Theoretical Physics) is The Theory of Everything, for which, many more unexpected factors vis-à-vis Cognitive Science, NeuroScience and Psychology or even Arts seem not only beneficial but also essential and inevitable.


Thus is this attempt of mine, to live upto my personal meaning of life, led by my inability to stall my curiosity that serves as a bridge between my emotion and my intelligence, letting my feelings to break free from the melodrama of the moronic social perceptions and rules, to live and die doing Science and Knowing Nature.

What remains to be seen is, how the interplay of Ψ and ∞ is revealed…

To Infinity and Beyond.

—————(Ψ )—————