gayatri%20joshi

She looked quite close to what this beautiful woman looks like, My youngest aunt. Her name was ‘Sharmistha’ the namesake of one of the 28 Nakshatras (sectors along the ecliptic as per the Hindu astrological literature). I am sorry, I don’t have any photograph of hers with me at the moment. But her memories are still vivid in my mind. Only memories. She is not here anymore. She is gone. She succumbed to a congenital birth defect in her heart (Ventricular Septal Defect) when she was just above 30 and that was almost 13 years ago. She died a virgin. She knew she could have never married. She was born to fight. She fought death with unparalleled courage. She had been with me for the first 20 years of my life since my infancy. She’d taught me to speak. She’d taught me to walk. She’d taught me to read, write and learn. She was my friend, philosopher and guide. She had shown me how to fight ghosts. She had shown me how to fight pain. She had taught me how to fight fear. She had taught me how to teach others by setting examples. Alas ! She died fighting Death. There was nothing that could have been done. Her body could have never supported any surgery. But I was with her when she died. I still remember her last breath. I still remember the blood that spurted out of her nose and mouth at the moment of her departure to oblivion. I remember her screams. I remember how eventually she desperately requested us to kill her to save her the pain.

It all happened in front of me. I was watching everything. When the doctor declared her dead, I ran outside of the ICU to the hospital ground. There was a tree beneath which I took refuge in isolation. I wanted to cry. But I was stunned. I was trying to grasp what had just happened. Eventually I began to cry in silence. Inconsolably. There was a sudden thunder burst and heavy wind for about 3 minutes that came out of nowhere.

Oh, yes, God had sent that to help me cry well in disguise. God, said that she was a good person and her time was up. She had to go. And you know what I said God in reply?

“Fuck Off”.

And that was the day I killed God inside my mind and began my long travel towards the Truth without a hypocritical God. I stopped talking out loud. I began to think to fight the dark cloud. The cloud of Death. The could that frightens little narrow minds and lets the wicked reign. And I embraced the fundamentals. Science. The laws of Nature. In Silence.